Emotionally Broken Momentarily but Stronger Forever

I was emotionally broken for the past 3 months. It was so debilitating and I felt like I had no control or will power. I didn’t go anywhere and I wouldn’t step foot anywhere in public. I laid in my bed as minute after minute, hour after hour and day after day went by. I didn’t understand how I could be so unhappy (I just got married in October) one minute and completely knocked down the next minute. I was really beating myself up about this mentally. I would say things like “why are you unhappy, you just got married”, “Petra, you make no sense at all!”, “Stop it!”, “You have no reason not to be happy”, “You’re ruining a good thing”, “Here we go again” and the list can really go on and on. The truth is I still don’t really know what caused it. It hit me like a freight train and I did not see any signs coming. I share this because it’s a reality for people who struggle with depression, anxiety and/or PTSD. I’ve had my normal ups and downs throughout my life but nothing this severe. I believed in my head it was going to get better and I would snap out of it. I would have one good day or a few good hours and I thought to myself, “okay it’s over” but then the next day I was right back to feeling very low. Little by little I started posting in the support groups that I am a member of seeking advice and encouraging words. It definitely helped in those moments of feeling hopeless.

After some time, I just knew I needed more then just a few encouraging words and I needed more help than I realized. I found a counselor who was able to see me within a week of calling her. I began going to counseling on a weekly basis. Then I decided to try and push myself a little more. I began to do some research to try and find a support group to go to in person. I found a nonprofit organization and made an appointment. Unfortunately, the support group they have is currently closed for new members. However, the coordinator that I spoke to was very accommodating and invited me to come in weekly and she was willing to sit and talk to me one on one. They are not licensed counselors however, she is a Survivor herself and I felt like we would relate on a personal level. I don’t want to ramble on for to long but my point is, someone does care! It might be a complete stranger but maybe that person has great empathy or understands your pain. You won’t know if you don’t reach out for help, so PLEASE reach out for help! Don’t be ashamed to say I NEED SOMEONE!

From that ONE experience, I was informed by the lady I see for my one on one sessions, about of an upcoming event called No More Secrets. I got to meet Erin Merryn (the writer and activist who advocates to prevent child sexual abuse) from Erin’s Law. Then from there it was a trickle down effect. I found a dance class (a Twerking dance class LOL who doesn’t want to have some fun, right?) to put some “fun” back into my life. I also stepped foot into a local church this past Sunday and it felt SO good! I am going to be attending their Relationships service this coming Thursday. I even found another event happening next month called “Start By Believing Rally” for Sexual Assault Awareness month which I am attending. I am going to make it a goal of mine to stay committed to staying busy and doing things I love and that I am passionate about. I’ve come to realize it is extremely important for me to have something to look forward. And for me that is being part of my community and my Mission to empower others. I pray for anyone who is reading this and wish you ALL many Blessings!

P.S. – I apologize I have not updated my blog in some time. I can now get back into writing and hope to empower others through my honesty. As I said before and I continue to reiterate. I am STILL in my journey of healing and I may always be on this path. I’m okay with that because it only makes me Stronger and My VOICE will be Louder!

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Sometimes You Win Sometimes You Learn

HAPPY Wednesday everyone!

I’m going through a situation in my household at this moment and this statement couldn’t be anymore true. When I’m going through a hard time I can’t let the negativity of the outcome take over the situation. The moment I start to allow the way I look at the outcome, it does usually change my emotional state. Living with PTSD and depression I’ve come to the realization that my emotional health has to be a top priority. So I am making a choice to start trying to tell myself that no matter the outcome, it was a learning experience and it’s okay. I say “trying” because I know I’m going to have bad days and it’s not always going to be easy. However, I do know it will be worth it and training myself to do this will make it easier eventually. I’m no professional and I am literally learning one day at a time. This post marks my first day of “Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn”.

Positive Mind Positive Life

Reaching for positivism in my life has really helped me tremendously. So I wanted to share a list of some great quotes that have help me get my day started.

 

Positive Words to live by:

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

When the voices of doubt start whispering, turn-up the volume of faith and listen to your heart.

Sometimes you gotta forget what you “feel” and remember what you Deserve!

Sometimes telling the story is the thing that saves your life.

When you’re trying to motivate yourself. Appreciate the fact that you’re even thinking about making a change, and as you move forward, allow yourself to be good enough.

Your story could be the key that unlocks someone else’s prison. Don’t be afraid to share it.

Don’t count the days. Make the days count.

Believe in yourself & you will be Unstoppable.

Don’t wait until you’ve reached your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud of every step you take toward reaching that goal.

Wake up everyday STRONGER than yesterday, face your fears and wipe your tears.

You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

F-E-A-R has two meanings; Forget Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Rise. The choice is yours. – Zig Ziglar

You have a beautiful future because your ugly past didn’t kill you!

Don’t forget that you’re human. It’s okay to have a melt down. Just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it our and then refocus on where you are headed.

 

I’m obsessed with finding the best and sometimes just simple words that really put me in a good mood. 

Depression Improving Each Day

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